Redemption & Recovery

Tag: mental-health

  • Denial

    Denial

    Hello my beautiful peoples!!

    I am a disciple of Christ Jesus, I struggle with co-dependency, pride, bad money habits and anger. My name is Maritza. I thought I’d make my next post about: my experience with of The Journey Begins step study.

    Lesson 1: Denial was by far the most difficult and eye opening lessons for me. It is rooted in Principle 1 and Step 1 of Celebrate Recovery:

    Principle 1: Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable. (Matthew 5:3)

    Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable. (Romans 7:18)

    I struggled with denial because I was prideful and resistant to admitting that something was wrong with me. Growing up, I suppressed a lot of my hurts because I wasn’t allowed to talk about my pain. I bottled up my emotions so much that I began cutting myself as a coping mechanism. I thought if I focused on my physical wounds, I could forget about the emotional ones.

    I was a cutter from the age of 13 to 27. Looking back, I can see how deep my denial ran. I convinced myself I was fine, but Jeremiah 6:14 tells us:

    “You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there!”

    The walls I built between those years were meant to protect me, but they actually trapped me. By refusing to acknowledge my hurts, I wasn’t able to heal from my trauma. When I started Lesson 1, I was asked a question that rocked my world:

    What areas of your life are out of control?

    When I put my thoughts to ink, I had to admit:

    • My finances were a mess.
    • My relationships with men were unhealthy and toxic.
    • My anger and rage made me reactive and inconsistent with my behavior.

    Then came another tough question:

    What coping skills did you use to get attention or protect yourself?

    That one stung deeply. I was over 40 when I began to reflect on things I thought were just part of my character. Realizing these were coping mechanisms rather than personality traits shook me to my core.

    Going through the nine questions in Lesson 1 forced me to look at myself differently. The questions were intrusive but not condemning—if that makes sense. I felt anxious about being truthful, but I knew I needed to trust the process. Lesson 1 taught me that denial had to be broken in order for healing to begin.

    Some of the coping skills I used included:

    • Hardening myself – acting as if I wasn’t hurt or didn’t care.
    • Playing the victim – seeking attention and sympathy.
    • Being the peacemaker – people-pleasing my way into someone’s good graces.
    • Silence and isolation – freezing people out instead of confronting issues.
    • Sarcasm – using humor to be passive-aggressive.
    • Self-destruction and self-sabotage – believing I wasn’t good enough, echoing past childhood trauma.

    Working through these questions helped me unpack experiences, thought processes, and hurts I didn’t even know were still there. Facing Lesson 1: Denial helped me realize:

    ✨ I do need help. ✨

    I share this because I know I’m not alone. Maybe you’re struggling with denial too. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that everything is fine, that you’re in control, that your past isn’t affecting you. I want you to know—healing begins when we face the truth.

    If you’re on this journey, trust the process. God is with you every step of the way. You are not alone. ❤️

    John 8:32 – “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

    Now, I’d love to hear from you!

    Have you ever struggled with denial in your life?

    What coping mechanisms have you used that you later realized weren’t healthy?

    How did you come to the realization that you needed help?

    ✨ Let’s break the chains of denial together! Drop a comment below and share your thoughts. ✨

    ✨ Tune in next time to dive deeper into my recovery journey. ✨

    With love and grace,
    Your Sista Ritza ✨

    P.S. Thank you in advance for liking and sharing this blog post! The more people that read this, the more we can help. My intention is to help others through sharing my experiences. ❤️

  • How I Got Started with Celebrate Recovery

    How I Got Started with Celebrate Recovery

    Hello my beautiful peoples! ✨

    In February 2022, my toxic and abusive ten-year relationship with He Who Shall Not Be Named finally ended. I left our shared apartment and moved into my sister’s house after a physical altercation. In this case, I was the aggressor. Towards the end of our relationship, I had no respect for him and just wanted him out of my apartment and life. He moved in with me because he had been living on his uncle’s bedroom floor and begged me for help.

    Two years before that, we had been engaged to be married, but five days before our wedding, he decided to text all his exes, telling them that he was soon to be married and would officially be off the market. One particular ex was invited for wine. As if that wasn’t enough, he also tried to start a business with her. That’s when I lost it—I trashed our Miami loft and was physically escorted out by Miami police. Letting him back into my life and helping him was the biggest mistake of my life. But when you’re codependent and don’t know you’re codependent, you make dumb decisions that serve others instead of looking out for yourself.

    When I moved in with my sister, I knew I needed to make serious changes. Ten years of on-and-off with this man wasn’t getting me anywhere. The longer I was with him, the further he took me from God. He believed in spirituality, God, and Buddhist principles, but he didn’t walk the talk. His beliefs were all about his desires, money, and ego, with spirituality sprinkled in at his convenience. I think at some point, that way of thinking rubbed off on me, and I lost my way.

    Living at my sister’s gave me the opportunity to be less than ten minutes away from a church with four services. There was no excuse not to go. So, I invited my sister to join me at my first service. It had been a while since I had gone to a big church. I wasn’t much for worship; in fact, many times, I’d be the one coming in a bit late—just in time for the pastor’s message.

    During one particular message, the pastor talked about how coming on the weekends was just part of the big picture. He urged us to get out of the outskirts and stop being spectators, emphasizing that small groups are what truly connect us to the congregation. His words convicted my heart, and I felt nudged by God to sign up for a group.

    As I looked through the groups, there was only one that aligned with my interests and schedule—The Journey Begins. It was a twelve-step study group meant to address hurts, hang-ups, and habits. At first, I didn’t want to choose that group because I didn’t think I needed it. I’m not a drug addict or alcoholic, I thought. My sister was in recovery and attended AA, so I had a preconceived notion about what a recovery program looked like. I wrestled with myself about signing up for the study, but ultimately, I decided to be obedient. (Celebrate Recovery Principle 3: Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control. – Matthew 5:5)

    Normally, most people attend Celebrate Recovery before signing up for a step study, but as in the true Maritza way, I did it backward. It wasn’t until I attended my study group that someone invited me to come and attend Celebrate Recovery. The first thing that came to my mind was, UGH—two days? Both two hours long? 🙄Here I was signing up for one day, and now God was turning it into two days and four hours a week. Definitely not what I signed up for! But I had committed to being obedient to God. (“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5)

    I remember feeling awkward walking into Celebrate Recovery. Walking in was like admitting I had a problem to a bunch of strangers. Thankfully, they had greeters at the doors who helped me find my way. Newcomers 101 gave me an overall understanding of how Celebrate Recovery worked. They explained that the first hour consists of worship followed by either a lesson or a testimony. The second hour consists of small groups where men and women separate and then break off into smaller groups—A-Z for hurts, hang-ups, and habits, or chemical dependency groups.

    I chose the A-Z group, where I met women who dealt with childhood trauma, codependency, anger issues, trust issues, and much more. Three years later, I love my Celebrate Recovery family. I used to feel like an outsider at church, the black sheep filled with issues, until I found the rest of the black sheep at Celebrate Recovery. I loved being in a place where people were okay admitting they needed help and actually wanted help.

    I love the sisterhood that grew over time by being vulnerable and honest about the decisions I’ve made in my life. I felt safe, seen, and heard. People didn’t judge me for my past but encouraged my growth. Celebrate Recovery changed my life for the better. (“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17)

    Celebrate Recovery is more than just about chemical dependency. It helps with fear, guilt, shame, unforgiveness, pride, anger, rage, sex addiction, abuse, people-pleasing, control, abandonment—just to name a few. It provides tools to process your hurts that have turned into hang-ups and gives you healthy, God-loving habits to deal with this crazy world and everything that comes with it. (Celebrate Recovery Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors and that our lives had become unmanageable. – Romans 7:18)

    ✨ Tune in next time to learn what I learned from Lesson 1: Denial. ✨

    With love and grace,
    Your Sista Ritza ✨

    🙏 Thank you in advance for liking and sharing this blog post. The more people that get to read, the more people we can help. My intention is to help others through sharing my experiences. 🙌