Redemption & Recovery

Category: Faith

  • The Party I Couldn’t See Clearly

    The Party I Couldn’t See Clearly

    Sometimes I want to share a side of me I’m literally unconscious to — in hopes that writing it out might help me make sense of what God is trying to communicate.

    Dreams are funny like that. They pull out pieces of us we didn’t even know were still there.

    For a long time, I used to smoke just so I wouldn’t dream. I didn’t want to see or remember. But Jesus has called me into sobriety, and part of that gift is feeling again — and seeing again, even in my sleep.

    The Dream

    I was at this huge gathering — something like a Miami-style party inside a big hall. It had that electric energy where you can feel the bass before it even drops.

    I was in charge of the music, scrolling through my phone trying to pick the perfect song to start the night off. The one I had in mind?

    “Shake that ass, bitch, and let me see what you got.” 😅

    Yeah… that one. I knew it would make the crowd go wild. I could practically see everyone jumping up, ready to dance.

    But when I pressed play, something changed. The song came out completely different — same energy, but no filth. It was clean. Joyful. Beautiful even. And somehow, everyone still loved it.

    Then out of nowhere, Wendy Osefo from Real Housewives of Potomac shows up, offering to “help” me — but in that condescending, I-know-better-than-you tone.

    I told her, “This is Miami. I know what to play.” And I meant it.

    But as I tried to find the song again, the screen started to blur. The letters looked fuzzy, like I needed glasses but didn’t have any. My eyes started burning and tearing up. I kept rubbing them, straining to see — and then I woke up.

    The Meaning

    This dream felt like a tug-of-war between who I was and who I’m becoming.

    The party reminded me of my past — loud, wild, and full of “fun” that left me empty the next morning.

    The song represented that old part of me that used to perform for attention and acceptance. But when I played it, God changed the tune. He took what once glorified the flesh and made it something pure.

    That’s redemption. That’s God flipping the script. 🙌

    Wendy showing up? That was the voice of criticism and doubt — the kind that makes you second-guess yourself or feel like you’re not qualified enough.

    But my response — “I know what to play” — was a reminder that I know the territory God pulled me from. I know how to reach the people still living there, because I used to be one of them.

    And those blurry letters? That hit deep.

    It’s like God was saying, “You’re trying to read the old script, but your eyes don’t work that way anymore.”

    You’ve outgrown the lenses that used to make sense of your past. He’s giving you new sight — spiritual sight. And maybe those tears in the dream were part of that cleansing.

    The Spiritual Layer

    “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.” — Matthew 6:22

    God’s been doing eye surgery on my soul.

    I used to see through smoke and darkness, but now He’s teaching me how to see through light.

    I don’t have to perform anymore. I don’t have to play music that stirs up chaos just to feel alive.

    I just have to play what He gives me — and trust that His sound will reach the ones it’s meant to.

    💭 Dream Reflection Challenge

    Take a moment this week to sit quietly and ask yourself:

    🎶 What kind of “music” am I playing with my life right now?
    👁️ Is my focus on entertaining the crowd — or honoring the One who changed my tune?
    🕊️ Where might God be adjusting my vision so I can see more clearly through His eyes?

    Sometimes clarity comes with tears.
    And sometimes, the only way to truly see…
    is to let Him rewrite the song. 🎵

    In peace and with Aloha,
    💖 Your Sista Ritza

  • From Nightmare to Victory: How Jesus Showed Up in My Dream

    From Nightmare to Victory: How Jesus Showed Up in My Dream

    ✝️ From Nightmare to Victory: How Jesus Showed Up in My Dream

    Before I jump into the dream, let me be real with you.
    For years, I used to smoke marijuana just so I wouldn’t dream. 🌫️
    I didn’t want to remember anything when I slept—no pain, no memories, no attacks, nothing. Dreams scared me because they felt too real… too spiritual.

    But when Jesus called me to sobriety, He didn’t just take away the weed—He restored my mind. 🌱✨
    Now, I dream again. I remember again.
    And instead of running from what I see, I’ve learned to pray through it.

    Normally, I would’ve written this dream off as just another weird nightmare. But this time, I knew better. This time, I knew God was showing me something worth sharing.

    😨 The Chase

    In my dream, I was trapped in a house being chased by something dark—part monster, part demon, part vampire. It was pure evil. 👿
    My mom was there, calm, untouched, but she walked away. I ran through room after room, desperate for safety. Each room felt like another part of my life—places where fear still lived rent-free.

    Then I saw my little cousins playing. Their eyes widened with fear, and without saying a word, they closed the door to protect themselves. That moment hit me—sometimes, innocence just hides when fear walks in. 🚪💔

    🙏 The Confrontation

    I dove under a bed, trying to disappear, but the monster found me. It grabbed my leg and started dragging me out.
    I could feel its evil closing in.

    That’s when something in me snapped—in the best way.
    I screamed, “JESUS! HELP ME!” 🙌
    Over and over again.
    I prayed, I cried out, I declared His name like my life depended on it. Because it did.

    And then—everything changed.
    The air shifted. 🌬️
    Darkness trembled. 😈
    Fear lost its grip. 💪

    ✝️🔥 The Cross and the Fire

    I ran outside and suddenly a man appeared—an actor from the old TV show Hercules. (Yes, God used that guy in my dream! 😂)
    He said, “I can help you form a cross.” He stood behind me, arms stretched horizontally, while I lifted mine vertically. Together, we formed the shape of the cross—and we prayed like warriors. 🕊️

    The demon shrieked and burst into flames. It burned until nothing but ash remained. 🌋
    A nearby tree fell, revealing huge Easter-egg-sized shells beneath it. One was cracked open and empty. The others were still sealed. 🥚🌳
    I didn’t fully get it then, but I knew—the monster was gone.

    💡 The Meaning

    When I woke up, I realized this wasn’t a nightmare; it was a spiritual victory. 🏆
    The house was my heart.
    The demon was fear and generational bondage.
    The calmness of my mom symbolized what some before me accepted as normal.
    And the cousins? They were the innocent ones—protecting themselves, but powerless to fight.

    Yet when I called on Jesus, the darkness had no choice but to bow. 🙏
    The cross became my weapon, and the fire—God’s power—consumed what once tried to destroy me.
    The small lizard left behind? That’s what the enemy looked like defeated—tiny, weak, broken. 🦎💀
    And those eggs? Hidden things brought into the light. Empty now. Powerless. ✨

    🕊️ The Victory

    This dream wasn’t random—it was revelation.
    God was showing me that He’s breaking off generational chains and silencing the voices that once chased me.
    He reminded me that when I speak His name, the enemy loses ground. Every. Single. Time. ⚡

    “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” — Proverbs 18:10

    🌿 Celebrate Recovery Reflection

    When I shared this dream with my Celebrate Recovery family, I couldn’t help but see the connection between this dream and the first three steps of the CR journey. It was like God showed me my healing process in motion—just through a dream. 🌙

    Step 1 — Powerless:
    🏃‍♀️ When I was running through the house, hiding under the bed, I was living out Step 1: realizing I am not God and that I can’t control everything. Fear had me on the run, and I was exhausted. I was powerless.

    Step 2 — Hope:
    ✨ But when I called on Jesus, something shifted. That’s Step 2—believing that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. That’s when faith entered the room.

    Step 3 — Surrender:
    🙌 And when I stood in the shape of the cross, that was Step 3—making a decision to turn my life and my will over to the care of God. I wasn’t just saying His name anymore; I was standing in His authority.

    That’s what recovery looks like. You stop running, you believe He can, and then—you let Him. ❤️

    “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” — James 4:7

    💪 Your Turn to Stand

    If something’s been chasing you—fear, addiction, shame, control—you don’t have to hide anymore.
    Call on Jesus. 📣
    Speak His name. 🕊️
    Form your cross. ✝️
    Stand your ground. 🧍‍♀️🔥

    Because when you call on Jesus, hell shakes.
    And when you stand in His power, darkness burns. 💥

    Closer to the Kingdom Reflection

    • What “monsters” have been chasing you lately? 😈
    • Have you been hiding instead of fighting in the Spirit? 🕊️
    • How can you let the cross cover those dark corners today? ✝️

    ❤️ Signed with Love,

    ✝️ Your Sista Ritza
    Real. Redeemed. Still standing. 💃

    📢 Share Prompt

    🕊️ If this post spoke to you, share it with someone who’s fighting their own battle tonight. Remind them—Jesus still wins. 💪🔥

  • How I Got Started with Celebrate Recovery

    How I Got Started with Celebrate Recovery

    Hello my beautiful peoples! ✨

    In February 2022, my toxic and abusive ten-year relationship with He Who Shall Not Be Named finally ended. I left our shared apartment and moved into my sister’s house after a physical altercation. In this case, I was the aggressor. Towards the end of our relationship, I had no respect for him and just wanted him out of my apartment and life. He moved in with me because he had been living on his uncle’s bedroom floor and begged me for help.

    Two years before that, we had been engaged to be married, but five days before our wedding, he decided to text all his exes, telling them that he was soon to be married and would officially be off the market. One particular ex was invited for wine. As if that wasn’t enough, he also tried to start a business with her. That’s when I lost it—I trashed our Miami loft and was physically escorted out by Miami police. Letting him back into my life and helping him was the biggest mistake of my life. But when you’re codependent and don’t know you’re codependent, you make dumb decisions that serve others instead of looking out for yourself.

    When I moved in with my sister, I knew I needed to make serious changes. Ten years of on-and-off with this man wasn’t getting me anywhere. The longer I was with him, the further he took me from God. He believed in spirituality, God, and Buddhist principles, but he didn’t walk the talk. His beliefs were all about his desires, money, and ego, with spirituality sprinkled in at his convenience. I think at some point, that way of thinking rubbed off on me, and I lost my way.

    Living at my sister’s gave me the opportunity to be less than ten minutes away from a church with four services. There was no excuse not to go. So, I invited my sister to join me at my first service. It had been a while since I had gone to a big church. I wasn’t much for worship; in fact, many times, I’d be the one coming in a bit late—just in time for the pastor’s message.

    During one particular message, the pastor talked about how coming on the weekends was just part of the big picture. He urged us to get out of the outskirts and stop being spectators, emphasizing that small groups are what truly connect us to the congregation. His words convicted my heart, and I felt nudged by God to sign up for a group.

    As I looked through the groups, there was only one that aligned with my interests and schedule—The Journey Begins. It was a twelve-step study group meant to address hurts, hang-ups, and habits. At first, I didn’t want to choose that group because I didn’t think I needed it. I’m not a drug addict or alcoholic, I thought. My sister was in recovery and attended AA, so I had a preconceived notion about what a recovery program looked like. I wrestled with myself about signing up for the study, but ultimately, I decided to be obedient. (Celebrate Recovery Principle 3: Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control. – Matthew 5:5)

    Normally, most people attend Celebrate Recovery before signing up for a step study, but as in the true Maritza way, I did it backward. It wasn’t until I attended my study group that someone invited me to come and attend Celebrate Recovery. The first thing that came to my mind was, UGH—two days? Both two hours long? 🙄Here I was signing up for one day, and now God was turning it into two days and four hours a week. Definitely not what I signed up for! But I had committed to being obedient to God. (“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5)

    I remember feeling awkward walking into Celebrate Recovery. Walking in was like admitting I had a problem to a bunch of strangers. Thankfully, they had greeters at the doors who helped me find my way. Newcomers 101 gave me an overall understanding of how Celebrate Recovery worked. They explained that the first hour consists of worship followed by either a lesson or a testimony. The second hour consists of small groups where men and women separate and then break off into smaller groups—A-Z for hurts, hang-ups, and habits, or chemical dependency groups.

    I chose the A-Z group, where I met women who dealt with childhood trauma, codependency, anger issues, trust issues, and much more. Three years later, I love my Celebrate Recovery family. I used to feel like an outsider at church, the black sheep filled with issues, until I found the rest of the black sheep at Celebrate Recovery. I loved being in a place where people were okay admitting they needed help and actually wanted help.

    I love the sisterhood that grew over time by being vulnerable and honest about the decisions I’ve made in my life. I felt safe, seen, and heard. People didn’t judge me for my past but encouraged my growth. Celebrate Recovery changed my life for the better. (“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17)

    Celebrate Recovery is more than just about chemical dependency. It helps with fear, guilt, shame, unforgiveness, pride, anger, rage, sex addiction, abuse, people-pleasing, control, abandonment—just to name a few. It provides tools to process your hurts that have turned into hang-ups and gives you healthy, God-loving habits to deal with this crazy world and everything that comes with it. (Celebrate Recovery Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors and that our lives had become unmanageable. – Romans 7:18)

    ✨ Tune in next time to learn what I learned from Lesson 1: Denial. ✨

    With love and grace,
    Your Sista Ritza ✨

    🙏 Thank you in advance for liking and sharing this blog post. The more people that get to read, the more people we can help. My intention is to help others through sharing my experiences. 🙌

  • Making Peace with My Parents

    Making Peace with My Parents

    When I first began my journey to come closer to God, I didn’t want to rely on any of the information I had learned about Him from my family or the world. I wanted to learn who God was on my own terms. Coming from a Catholic background, God was about punishment and sin. My family had all different beliefs about God—from Catholicism to Santería to New Age philosophy—and who can forget my grandma with her horoscopes. It caused so much confusion, and I didn’t want to lean on the knowledge I had been given by my upbringing or culture.

    So, I prayed. I asked God to erase all the false information I had learned and to help me know Him. As I meditated on this prayer, something unexpected happened—the Ten Commandments came to mind. I had to look them up because I didn’t know them offhand. As I went down the list, one commandment stopped me in my tracks:

    Honor your father and mother.

    Honor my what?! I was flabbergasted. I looked up at the sky and thought, Why, God? Why would You make me do this?

    A Broken Family

    Up until that moment, my relationship with my parents was contentious at best. I barely had a relationship with either of them.

    When I was twelve, my parents went through a nasty divorce filled with hate, betrayal, and bitterness. According to my dad, my mom was unfaithful and chose “the streets” over her family. My dad won full custody of my younger sister and me. I can only assume it was because my mom didn’t have the means to care for us—or maybe it was my dad’s way of spiting her. Either way, after my mom left, we weren’t allowed to speak with her. And when we did, it was for awkward, brief visits to Baskin-Robbins before heading straight back to my dad’s house.

    I had to be careful what I said to my mom for fear of my dad’s reaction. Looking back, I don’t remember much about my relationship with her in my younger years. I was a daddy’s girl, and my memories of my mom were distant—her beauty, her stylish outfits, her dancing, her smoking. But love? Affection? I couldn’t recall many moments of that.

    Between the ages of 12 to 18, my mom and I barely had a relationship. I felt abandoned and bitter that I wasn’t allowed to miss her or want her in my life. Angry because I thought she didn’t want me in hers.

    The Burden of My Father’s Love

    At the beginning of my parents’ divorce, my dad was wrecked by the breakdown of our family. Worse, he was enraged by my mom’s betrayal, and it felt like he used my sister and me as pawns to hurt her. He brainwashed us into believing she was the enemy.

    I remember asking him once, Where’s Mom? His response? He almost threw me out because he thought my question meant I was choosing her over him. Mind you I was twelve.

    That’s when my codependency was born. I felt like I had to keep my dad happy, to be the “good girl”, to think the way he wanted me to think—so he wouldn’t turn on me like he had on my mom.

    At 16, my younger sister got pregnant. My dad was so angry that she had to emancipate herself just to have control over her life. In his rage, he completely ignored her.

    At 17, my dad caught me with a boy in my room. He was so furious that he stopped speaking to me and refused to attend my high school graduation. That crushed me. I had done everything I could to make him happy, but the one time I disappointed him, he shut me out completely. I didn’t even walk in my cap and gown because I thought, What’s the point?

    At 18, I moved out. I couldn’t live my life obeying my dad’s controlling rules. It was his way or the highway—so I chose the highway.

    Wrestling with God’s Command

    Honoring my parents seemed impossible. I was angry. I was bitter.

    Why couldn’t I have normal parents?
    Why did God give me parents who I couldn’t trust to love me and not leave me?

    As I wrestled with these questions, I looked at my own children. I realized that one day, they might be angry with me. They might not understand the decisions I made. They might struggle to love me, too.

    That thought softened my heart.

    The Healing Begins

    Step 5 We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our hurts, hang-ups and habits.

    Step 5 gave me the chance to confess my burdens—the ones I had carried for years. It forced me to open my heart to feelings I had buried and denied.

    Through prayer, I learned to pray for my parents. In time, I learned to forgive them. Jesus’ words became my mantra:

    “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” – Luke 23:34

    This helped me see my parents through a different lens—not as villains, but as broken people who made mistakes, just like me.

    A Work in Progress

    I can’t say that my relationship with my parents is fully healed. I still struggle to trust their words and actions. But I no longer hold resentment in my heart.

    Now, I actively work on showing them compassion and building a relationship with them.

    More importantly, this journey has helped me build a solid relationship with my own children—one based on honesty, respect, and unconditional love.

    If you’ve ever struggled with forgiving your parents, I want you to know you’re not alone. Healing takes time, but with God, nothing is impossible.

    Next week, I’ll share more about how Celebrate Recovery helped me work through my anger and embrace true freedom. Stay tuned! 💜

    With love & grace,
    Your Sista Ritza ✨

    🙏 Thank you in advance for liking and sharing this blog post. The more people that get to read, the more people we can help. My intention is to help others through sharing my experiences. 🙌

  • Welcome to Recovery & Redemption!

    Welcome to Recovery & Redemption!

    Hey, hey, hey! It’s Your Sista Ritza here! 🎉💃🏽
    I am a disciple of Jesus, and I am in recovery because I struggle with co-dependency, bad money habits, anger, and pride. I have recovery over suicide and nicotine.

    I am SO excited to welcome you to Recovery & Redemption! This blog is all about my journey through Celebrate Recovery—a 12-step, Christ-centered program that helps people process, deal with, and manage their hurts, hang-ups, and habits. If you’ve ever felt lost, broken, or like your life was in chaos, I want you to know you are not alone!

    I started this blog to share my personal experience and transformation through Celebrate Recovery and to dispel any misconceptions about what it is. Some people think CR is just for chemical addiction recovery, but the truth is, it’s for ANYONE struggling with life’s challenges—whether it’s trauma, anxiety, control, codependency, or emotional wounds. I’ve seen radical change in my own life, and I’ve had the privilege of watching others experience freedom and healing through this program.

    How It All Started 💡

    My journey began when my pastor encouraged our church to get connected with small groups. He reminded us that God works through people and that we shouldn’t just be spectators in our faith. As I looked through the available groups, the only one that fit my schedule and interests was The Journey Begins, a 12-step study group through Celebrate Recovery. At the time, I had just come out of a ten-year abusive relationship, and my life was a mess. I had no idea how to clean it up, but I knew I needed to get back to the basics—back to God.

    I decided to try something new, and little did I know, that one decision would change everything.

    The Turning Point ✨

    “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

    As I worked through the steps, it wasn’t until Step 3 that I really started to take my journey seriously:
    “We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.”

    This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Coming from a home where my father dictated what I said, thought, and did, it was terrifying to willingly put myself in a position of surrender again. But the more I gave my life to God, the less I worried. The more I surrendered my plans, the less I felt the need to control everything around me.

    Over time, I learned to trust God—not just with my emotions, but with my finances, relationships, and entire way of being. The more I leaned on Him, the less I depended on myself to “make things happen.” And you know what? That trust brought freedom! Less worry meant less anxiety. Less anxiety meant more peace. More peace led to real joy. 🙌🏽

    Radical Transformation 🌱

    Four months into my journey, I got a raise at work. Seven months in, I met my now husband. Twelve months later, my life had done a 180-degree turn, and I knew—this was only possible through God’s grace.

    What’s to Expect? 🤔

    This blog will be a space where I share my experiences, struggles, victories, and everything in between. In future posts, I’ll cover topics like:
    ✅ My testimony
    ✅ What to expect when attending a CR meeting
    ✅ My experience in large & small groups
    ✅ How committing to Celebrate Recovery became a step of surrender

    My prayer is that through this blog, someone—maybe you—will be encouraged to take a step towards healing, just like I did.

    ✨ Tune in next week as I share my testimony! ✨

    So, let’s walk this journey together! You are loved, you are seen, and you are NOT alone. 💜

    With love and grace,
    Your Sista Ritza ✨